Dear friend. I was dreading reading your comment as I'm crossing unspoken lines of online etiquette. I very much want to talk with you about Baruch (Benedict) Spinoza. In his "ETHICS" On the Strength of the Emotions, through propositions and proofs, he demonstrates the function of emotions as homeostatic regulators. "In order to conquer a passion we must find a higher passion." I've spent most of my life in near to total solitude and what I call "Schmooze Control" where everything I do publicly is a mask to hide pain and dread. Like you in character, my Beau is a passionate loving person who has seen much suffering and prejudice. Although, I'm capable of being as coldly rational as the killing North Wind, Kindness seems to be my virtue. My friend doesn't like thinking of himself as brilliant, but he's led me to abandon my false modesty. He's an under appreciated essential worker in medicine.
Strangely, my ability to speak rationally and make sense has come from love. The need to love, the need to be loved, and the need to be needed, lovingly. He's quietly sought to bring me closer, taking interest in my home, life, and healthy attachments. We both have wrestled with evil thoughts and self entitlement. My unhealthy attachment to my smug poverty and psychiatric disability is an excess. But as I'm a much older person, "M,,,. is right, I'm no longer controlled by the things in my past that shaped my barriers and armor. I'm still a greedy hoarder of small means, But I'm no longer suffering for want. Quite to the contrary, I am no longer one of the chronically deprived or suffering. Wow! That in itself has required changes from me. Example: When guys used to ask me, "What are your training goals?" Id' answer jokingly, "I want to get laid.'' But now, despite the growth pains, I'm no longer starved for affection. When I want to talk about "Attachment Psychology" "M,,,," gives my the nix sign, although he's silently fascinated with my work. Blah Blah Blah. Wrapping up, I think you are a wonderful amazing exciting human being, and I'm so proud to get to talk to you, even if we don't say much in public. As always, love and peace out. We're not done yet.
