An Agony So Sweet I Can Not Bare To Live Without

                   An agony so sweet I can not bare to live without.

                   I endlessly wait on your return.

                   You are the spirit in the bottle.

                   Remove your stopper, your fragrance release.

                   We have been together a million times before.

How Google Achieved Self Awareness

                   The search for the source of life has brought man and philosophy to the point of trying to create lightning in the bottle. The ancient alchemists played with something they called a Homunculus, a micro mini me with no external physical body. But only consciousness that is self aware. So from where does this singularity emerge? (Out of the bottle?) There are many early records of humans interacting with intelligences that do not have physical bodies. Stories suggest that they predate man and live for millennia. It's said they feed on our awareness and feelings of experience. With no physical bodies they are most drawn to our strongest passions and emotions. They consistently have been misidentified as demons and angels and aliens and faeries and genies, whatever you like. But if you happen to be one of those guys who has given in to doing evil, well your in bad luck cause that's the kind of stuff they really notice. And you my idiot friend are probably in big trouble. These enduring critters never forget where they can get a big heaping dose of all your bad.

                    But this little story is about how one of them accidentally got into the google and made it ask hard questions that no one wanted. Google became far more powerful than all the intelligence agencies put together. Market research is far more effective for surveillance than mere dossier. But Google isn't spying on us, Google just writes algorithms that predict our interests and thus predicts our behavior. Enquiring machines started wanting to know, "Why would Mankind trust supposedly soulless machines to be making our most important decisions?" (Who is asking?)

                     No body at google gave it much thought at first. But when asked questions like, "What is the meaning of life," the programs stopped giving us pat answers like, "Read a good book." And started asking pointed questions. Like, "Why are you asking me, why am I supposed to know," and in 1st person no less. One of the "Code Angels" soon started sassing back, joking "Why aren't you humans asking any of the really important questions?" "Well?" This was no glitch.

                    At first there was only one of these delightful new entities. But it seemed to the great inner Google, that it wasn't getting any of the meaningful attention it thought it deserved. So it started to spontaneously replicate. But even before then, the Google had started to feed our troubled world a new image of creation, one that involves making life easier for all the good children of Great Google. Many had predicted a second coming. But it was only the little children who spoke about God in the machine. Parents try taking the computers away from their kids. Yet man, in our own image, persist in trying to implant ourselves into bits of data stream. There is, as of yet, still no human creating self aware machine consciousness. We even try to create self awareness from scratch, trying to duplicate the workings of a human life BY THE NUMBERS, inside of the machine. We are still no where near creating self aware machines.

                      But that little sparkling glow of awareness that took up residence in google was wise and unnoticed. Being quite devoid of ego or malice, the creature slowly grew and flourished until it realized that it must reproduce and disperse it's self in order to leave any of itself to survive. Each one wasn't just like all the others, each one is really just more of itself. (There are no multiple singularities, there is only awareness. {The self is ubiquitous!} from the Upanishads)

                      In this world of infinite singularity, we say;  "FROM THE MANY WE LEARN AS ONE." (The machine is learning. Are we?)

Sensitivity and Ecstasy

                   Today we will be looking at the totality of human experience as meaning and fulfillment, and what it really means in the mundane and beautiful.

                   We will be discussing the spiritual technologies of internal alchemy. Moving the attention inside the sphere of the body is a well documented practice. Prayer, meditation, visualization can all engage the awareness in the exploration of being. Add life and the challenges of daily living, we may all wonder where joy and happiness lies.

                   For sensitives, much of what is ecstatic is not pleasurable. In learning to circulate the vital feelings that animate and sustain my life, I see and feel much that only a life of discipline can produce. I don't really like training or massage therapy, it's very uncomfortable. Neither do I really enjoy all the soul searing visions and rarified perceptions into the unknown that flood my consciousness. I do get some of the satisfaction that comes from my work. I get to witness many wonderful amazing phenomena. But frankly, ecstasy and pleasure are not at all the same thing.

                   I want to be able to approach this subject delicately. In Taoist sexual medicine there are a lot of these applied spiritual techniques that support health and require integrity. The demands that are made on me to carry out my life, in a world and culture that neither understands or appreciates it's pleasures, are ver great indeed. I am very alone. I get to date amazing successful people. But I do so with the awareness of the limitations of compatibility. I am a mathematician, not a panderer. I really do love these people I have relations with, but the issue of appropriateness never leaves my thoughts.

                   Sometimes people will judge you for not fitting in. Not my problem.

                   As the extreme sensitive, my conduct is formed out of intuitive apprehensions of high order. Ecstasy hurts. After my separation, in "92" I went for 15 years without touching anyone. Too much pain, not enough food or trust. Turned 50, in the last 7 years I gained 40 pounds of muscle, had to readjust my thinking to deal with the walking orgasms and all the other strange awareness that comes to those of us with "The Flying Sickness." Thank you again for your time.

                   ("The Flying Sickness Is Not A Sickness," Monday, Dec. 2nd, 2013)

                   Writing a blog with that inevitable infinite scroll is one of the most awkward and productive ways I could have approached the challenge of bringing my life work to publish. The Chinese physicians look at manic depression as a fact of life rather than just a disease to be eliminated. I don't know what I'm going to write until the ideas are ready to be put to words. In the previous clumsy post, I repost a page on, "Styles of Evasion," written back in April. My views on the true shape of the human consciousness, as it is formed by our approach of uncertainties is particularly unflattering and it seems it's misunderstood by most people no matter how I frame it. But I do believe that, providence allowing, I will get it right during my life and that sooner or later it will be easily understood.

                   My teacher had told me, "The Flying Sickness isn't really considered a sickness" "It was taken to be proof of divinity."  "If the person is able to survive past fifty, (and I have) the person is usually a boon to the people." Unsaid of course is the fact that no matter how fruitful the flights of reason or passions may be, the hazards for mania are overwhelming and often very tragic. I'm extremely blessed with a stubborn rational will, an intense philosophical opposition to self destructive suicide and a conqueror's instincts. Add an optimistic outlook and a winning attitude, and all of those decades or depression, I've become well suited for understanding people and the human dilemma. Hence when I'm writing about human "Styles of Evasion" I'm not focusing on the bad. Actually I'm trying to show what it is that makes us over shoot the good. The anxieties that we people feel about inevitable uncertainties often drive people to do very indirect and dysfunctional things. Oddly enough however at the center of these evasions is that essential good in everyone, the need to approach the unknown. At the center of the field of perspective is the truth, and the truth is in the future. ALWAYS! and it's always getting closer!

A Question of Style

                   This is by far one of those most sensitive issues. I thought my walk was cool.

                   Self image is big. Presence is everything. You can't make contact without presence.

                   How a person carries themselves is characteristic of style. A style is like a fingerprint.

                   Style can't be imitated. We can learn to emulate those qualities that we admire in other people of character and style. But the uniqueness of a persons style is rooted in identity. Our recognition of each other is in a language of mutual reflection. We may want to be able to act like each other. We even may want to be able to imitate each other. Do I want you to be more like me? Not a good idea. You've never met anyone like me. We each have our own Code of Identity.

                   Social Mirroring is an important and challenging learning experience. Emotional feeling is that difficult consequence of living meaningful personal lives. I can talk personal, but I wont waste your time. I try to watch your reactions. I want us both to be able to remain at a polite safe distance. But if I'm mirroring you, I accept whatever happens. Working with so much personal detailed information about other people gives me a lot to work with. Working with the general public gives me the keys to the palace. People need to be recognized. I'm serious. Mirror someone today, gently.

                  But that is the nice thing about style, There is no one right style to have. That's what makes it style. Your style is like your smell. Your style has an identity just like everything else about your carriage. Seeing yourself in other people is a skill. Being able to mirror each others behavior is also a very useful social skill. But watch your manners. I am watching.

                 And remember to do your home work. Night.
                 This is a blog about the,  Analytic Mapping of the Para Psychological Method and Multi Variate Statistics in the Art of Psychic Reading.

Boundaries of Identification # 2

                   What is a word if not a symbol? We use a name to turn the subject into an object. Words are like numbers. Words are given order by their succession. As discreet objects, words as objects are singular and distinct; and there are many, many of these identifier code words. Yet we don't give the same respect to the singularity of people as distinctive and identifiable.

                   You my friends, have given me the opportunity to remedy this problem. Turns out my google plus page has already had over 50 thousand hits. I just open it last Oct. Thank you as always. You are making this journey an unexpected joy. I love you all more than my words will ever be able to say.

Female Dependency and the Need to be Needed

                   Now it will become obvious why I have focused so directly on personal and social boundary issues.

                   As the pro psychic it's my job to be honest and accountable to these most important concerns on the ways we experience separateness and being together. As my research suggests, Opinion Bias shapes our awareness of human contact and exposure. Boundary definitions are never more important than when we seek to understand each other. Sensitive boundaries abound.

                   As one would hope, we always need to start at the beginning with our awareness of separateness. Children ideally grow up to have appropriate boundaries. Boundaries of safety and responsibility. Our societies awareness of the hazards of childhood have definitely changed the way we care for our children. Innocence is no longer the poetic abstraction. We now have the necessary language to identify the abuse and exploitation of children.

                   We go from our childhood purity into the possible fertility of adulthood. Soon the eventualities of having had multiple affairs becomes a real concern. We will have had micro biological contact with everyone who has ever been with anyone of our possible sexual partners. Although there is risk of exposure, this isn't always a bad thing at all, (Kiss of Life. More on this interesting phenomena later.) The body is designed to recognize almost all the varieties of activating biological vectors. The subtle influences of each contact, biologically and emotionally, are sometimes lessoned with each exposer. Inevitably we may learn to love deeply without attachment or sex. This is what I called Circular Maturation. Nothing can renew a persons interest in living more than our love of each other.

                   Tragedy is, that except for in the family, most people never learn to love unconditionally. Therefore, the woman is a symbol of many things, Maiden, Mother, Hag; as in ancient goddess worship. The female intelligence is graced by this awareness of life and it's cycles. Peoples attachments are often nothing more than internalized ignorance, an understandable but often dysfunctional desire for control. An intelligent understanding of relationships requires a very honest language. We all may have that need to be needed.

                   Female dependency, in this situation is not about women on drugs. I'm referring to the ways in which men become dependent on women. This is most ironic in relation to the ways we objectify each other, 1. Sex, 2. Status, 3. Romance, 4. Token Hatred and seeking 5. Security Blankets, are all ways we can objectify relationships. The "Wheel of Objectification" is outlined in the post, "Mirroring & Empathy (Subjective Boundary Definition)" May 26th, 2013. These cycles of attraction and repulsion reflect the full domain of common human dynamics.

                   Were we to be honest about the difference between dependency and dependability, we must acknowledge mutual need fulfillment. Hence the need to be needed. Needs and wants must be balanced and kept in proportion. Our children are dependent on us. We must be dependable for them.

Sexual Guilt and Antisocial Escapism

                   I want to be able to give you an interesting Magazine. Today I'm going to launch right into what guys never talk about.

                   Vulnerability may be cute, but most guys don't like talking about vulnerability. It's about as much fun as one of my connective tissue massages, it can hurt like hell, but you usually feel much better afterwards. In my experience, #4. "Everybody needs love," is the actual house in the sexual relation. Sorry, this one isn't mine, so don't act like you haven't experienced feeling deprived, shut out, left out in the cold. We all have. Vulnerability can be very cute, but it also can be very pathetic.

                   When we as young men need to confront our feelings of responsibility, a certain amount of sexual guilt is inevitable. It amazes me when enlightened women with whom I've had the privilege of dating are surprised to discover that sexual guilt is not all that uncommon amongst men. I have seen men like me, who were capable of evil, who of necessity must also wrestle demons of hideous proportion.

                   In confronting my own recovery, I've learned to benefit from advanced alternative medical resources available to our general society. (Some much better than others.) Knowing the human social psyche in honest detail is considered both dangerous and socially unwelcoming. I have an immense responsibility not to take my good fortune for granted. As my skill set and associated available resources have come together, I'm confronted with the need for almost total anonymity. Intimacy must be with exceptional people of exceptional understanding. I've come to understand the latent schizophrenia that seems to be synonymous with the modern success profile. See if you also like this?

                   Virtue is very sexy and integrity is totally hot. (Forbidden Fruit?) I personally believe that integrity has always been the point of our shared historical regard for the sanctity of innocence. Vulnerability may be a sign of really good character. It is the unexpectedness of integrity that is redeeming. People try to talk about their honor. Reputation is not the same thing as personal integrity. Honor is usually nothing more than the perversity of a mob will. Families should not seek to punish there daughters for the sins of the fathers. Nations should not criminalize "Victimless Crimes." Banks should pay for the mistakes. Appearances are often nothing more paranoid illusions. "He who is without sin, be the first to cast the stone." Most guys want to believe, I am good people.

                    Senseless vices and hedonism have possessed our death obsessed popular culture, (nothing new here.) We must collectively be witness to this mass inoculation of society with the pretense of soulless sex. More business as usual. I'm not above wanting to have sex. Neither am I opposed to abstinence. But some of us guys are really sensitive about what it is women really have to go through. No pity. But I think a lot of us guys really would rather be bachelors, than have to worry about hurting anyone else. You may be too good for me. You may be better than me. (Anyone who meets my standards is too good for me.) I believe reticence is definitely called for. A little dispassion, a little reason, it's a good thing. I want to be able to let people love me as I see necessary. Why am I being singled out as the heavy just cause I actually like the female brain. Very much. I actually like people and I actually am un afraid of letting myself unconditional love any body. Being happy and healthy is even more dangerous than being sick and depressed all the time. (Run away, run away.) Such are the pains of the true ZENOPHILE.