If my research is correct then as personality formation, one of the most obvious and important personality developments is surviving near death. Generally speaking people learn to identify themselves on the basis of distinctive experiences as well as distinctive identifying characteristics. Mortality and more to the point the awareness of mortality is time sensitive.
So when I talk about "Nine Lives" I'm not talking about cat food. (Here in the states "Nine lives is a brand of cat food.) As someone who is crippled by manic depression my whole obsession with living is a conscious act. I have a history of dating people way out of my league. As I have learned to capitalize on my mania, I've been reminded repeatedly, crazy people aren't understood. It was not too long ago I was found wandering, starving, unbathed, catatonic, unable to speak. I've always been an especially friendly optimistic person and so now that I display no symptoms, I'm obliged to feign normalcy. Beings as hidden disabilities are the black box of medical diagnostics, it's my responsibility to explain. (Sigh.)
I may have to accept that I may not be able to have sex. As the guy who went 15 yrs. not touching any one after my divorce, I must confess, mental illness isn't pretty. Even if people can't see what I am doing, Psychic Reading is viewed as very glamorous when done with a realistic eye for rational humility.
"Mental Illness is not a competitive sport," I said to another one of my surviver friends. My Nine Lives Club is an elite group that most people are fortunately excluded from. But as the ultimate outsider I have responsibilities that greatly exceed my audience. Everyone is responsible for themselves, but I am excluded from the hallowed halls of business lest I choose to storm the gates directly.
Statistics have always been my friend as long as I don't turn them back on myself. I don't know If I'm going to have the energy to explain. Fearing death for me isn't the same issue it is for most people, but I'm still not qualified to judge.
