Sunday, May 26, 2013
Mirroring and Empathy (Subjective Boundary Definitions)
Mirroring and Empathy (Subjective Boundary Definitions) May 26th, 2013
Understanding the behavior of Sympathetic Mirroring is key to cold reading. Cold reading has gotten a bad reputation because of the way that just by watching peoples reactions we can get instant feedback. Plus by imitating someone gets us an inside view, a mirror copy of that other person. And by mirroring other peoples behavior, we are building rapport. When we mirror people unintentionally, we are displaying trust and confidence in that other person. Generally we don't think about the subtleties of social graces but they are instinctually hardwired into the brain. Mirror neurons tell us about other people. We are designed for mutual reflection. This beautiful cascade of infinite encounter is the thing that we love, when we love each other.
There is something that blocks this mirror to others however. Objectification acts as the substitute for direct perception. Sensitive mirroring is not an objective awareness. We can only mirror what other people think, do and feel. When we are so arrogant as to think we're objective about feelings or emotions, we get trapped in object relations.
That I know of, there are four primary forms of objectification. Each is understandable but less than objective;
1. "Sexual Objectification"
2. And of course the "Status Symbol" type of objectification, which is often nothing more than hero worship sometimes involving elements of both the first and the third other two kinds of objectification.
3. "Romantic or Sentimental Objectification" (as in the case of the love object attachment)
These first and third forms of objectification conflict and feed off of each other. (War between the Sexes)
3. "Romantic or Sentimental Objectification" (as in the case of the love object attachment)
These first and third forms of objectification conflict and feed off of each other. (War between the Sexes)
4. And I almost forgot, "The Objectification of Loathing" (that cherished objectification of our hatred.) These second and fourth types of objectification are envy and pride.
{&? And I forgot, #5. THE SECURITY BLANKET [We might as well put this one in the middle of the wheel, it'll be obvious why when we get to the "Tibetan Book of the Dead."] THE SECURITY BLANKET. That object or talisman expected to ward off attack or the evil eye. One might to be surprised to see how often it is assumed that a person can be seen as that protective barrier / comforting and indomitable.}
{In proof reading I just noticed how neatly these categorical qualifications perfectly match the Meta Formal structure of the "Four Styles of Evasion." We might say we have a "WHEEL OF OBJECTIFICATION."}
Obviously objectification is like most lying, primarily naive and unintentional. But just like lying, objectification is often just self doubt and internalized evasiveness. That does not make objectification or lying any the less dysfunctional. Pathological behavior is the norm. Disfunction drives the self help industries. And as the norm, distrust and alienation are defenses that keeps us unwilling and unable to face each other. The challenge of having to see ourselves and each other without expectations is the essence of open innocence. Appearances and expectations aside, I hope you will be able to mirror a true and fair reflection of who we are as individuals.
Innocence is beauty. I want to show you what we are doing is right and truthful. But that's not up to me. When I'm speaking to someone, "You" are the center of my world. But it is up to each and everyone of us to know if and when we really trust someone. We all have had to learn how to control our behavior voluntarily. This entails unlearning certain inevitable learned evasions, but none the less we end up having to unlearn defensiveness all over again every time we want to meet a new person, with all our individual quirks and evasions. When a behavior, such as objectification is so normal, that it makes us considerably less sensitive, we are less prepared to trust and build rapport. We have to direct where to focus our emotional energies. This emotional conservatism is inevitable.
Conserving emotional energy is a survival instinct. But most of us have very little choice who we get to interact with, or trust other people. Mirroring, however, makes it possible for us to relearn, almost everything. It's just a much bigger step than most of us are willing to take. I would like to think that this book will help many people to take a bigger step out of self enclosed views into a better life for all of us. Hopefully facing these sensitive boundaries will help to make us all happier and wiser. The mirror is my gift to you. It's not mine anyways. Pass it along. Show your faith in your self by sharing. I love you and we may not have even met.
