Touch Training

                         I feel that after everything you have been able to do for me this week, this month, well this year, heck this lifetime; I would like to jump ahead. You've earned it.

                         As we experience the spatial linkage between the visual and the tactile we are confronted with the possible delight of shared space. In between us can occur a "Physio Emotive Field. People often say to me, "I don't want to feel what other people are feeling." (Or even more tragically silly, the "I don't care what anyone thinks about me." Well in principle yes, but what an obvious cry for help.) Touch is not limited to physical contact, but this language of contact is where the presence of mutual awareness occurs. Making contact, Breaking contact, feeling it, not feeling it. Sympatico. For most of us who haven't grown past our feelings of attachment, we experience intimacy as a scarce resource. One of the privileges of age are mature emotional affairs. Sensitivity to others feelings and thoughts may be a natural extension of the awareness of contexts and consequences.

                        One of the most difficult things for people to avoid, is the trap of projection. Never assume. Usually only experience will release you from the agony of expectation. This is that mystery of touch. Nothing has been more difficult and liberating for me than therapeutic touch. My "X" lived with me for years before I was able to sustain relaxed eye contact.

                        In many cultures it is forbidden to stare at someone. This is the evil eye of envy. Especially when first meeting, there is a whole regiment of requisite social rituals. It is considered much more polite after getting permission, to walk up to the person and for instance gently touch the persons sleeve. Saying what it was that drew your interest, like "I like your shirt." In our culture, "Breaking the Tension," can often involve exchanging insults, but the intent is the same. People want to feel comfortable.

                        I'm aware I accidentally keep posting unfinished pages. Sorry. Now back to the essay.

                       When we touch, as in greeting or especially massage, our thoughts are of that other persons feelings. This is no cold reading. That pain, that joy is a sacrifice, it is an offering of yourself. In that short moment we share feeling. Every time I look into someones eyes, I get to step outside of myself. Eye contact? Our eyes don't really touch, but then why is it so difficult? Could we say that there is a science of touch? I feel that by taking you into the taboo of touch I am mixing art with science. I look at your hands. I touch you.

                        How ironic that because of the human need for appropriate boundaries we have gone to the other extreme of isolation and self denial. We have come to a society where media determines our worth. And yet I have this strange need to be able to touch you with my words only. You need not listen, but if you do, I would want to give you something of value and personal meaning.