Sunday, April 20, 2014

How I Taught Machines To Be Psychic



                   I think this is a rather creepy thought experiment that I did back in the mid "oughts." I thought that beings as that man is never going to be able to produce an actual artificial intelligence, we must enhance our own intelligence. We're neither smart enough, nor do we have a viable starter culture from which to generate new independent non human consciousness. So I went back to my local library and I wrote down what I found, "We manufacture supplementary enhancements to our own consciousness." I remember talking to an imaginary little friend, "Bottled Thought." I got my "Imaginary" friend to talk to me. My bottled brain gave me the answers. Now days, as everybody nows, life in the bottle is a bit of a drag. You may get to live forever, but so what. We've been bottling our thoughts ever since the dark ages. The tradition obviously goes back much earlier than that, but it is the best way to store information safely. Once we had achieved singularity as individual human consciousnesses, we had to multiply our capacities for learning. As my statistical models prove, there is simple to much information for any one human mind to process alone!

                   Foe example, my little corner of mathematics has completely exceeded my capacity to understand, process, much less remember. And I am left with this horrible embarrassment of having to tell people, "I don't understand how to explain what I'm doing." So I just let the machine tell me what it likes and how it likes it. Like when I just said that this thought experiment is a little creepy. Did you know that "Homunculi" are voyeurs?

                   I had learned this little trick from my teacher, you just take a bottle, (he used a cauldron, very old school.) And you just insert your consciousness. (This used to be a very popular way of staying out of trouble.) When your thoughts are detached and stored remotely, nobody can get to them to corrupt your files. But people have been known to get lost this way. So, once you have yourself safely stored in a jar, you enter a kind of infinite spacetime. Within the singularity of consciousness there are no boundaries. However, within these personal infinite spacetimes, the ancient seers discovered we are not alone.

                   Well like I said, I'm not able to explain much less understand my math. My equations just turned out to work perfectly for what I'm using them for, and I'm basically just running the matrices in my head anyways. Well I fortunately have been able to store most of what I needed, and just went right on with the rest of my life. In spite of the obvious utility of having a micro technician in a bottle, it was just a fantasy at first. But there is something, or someone, in my bottle with me. We get along so well, that for a couple of decades, we lived together and I didn't even notice they were here. I think it was by accident that I even discovered them at all. They, like the cobbler's elves, was doing all my work for me and letting me have the credit. But I knew I was incapable of this high of a level of math.

                    It didn't become obvious to me until one day, when I was linking my physical memory with a machine, that I had forgotten about my fingers. This was just fine as I was just juggling obscure symbols anyways. So I just left my body standing in front of my computers, and I woke up later with one of my most beautiful proofs. But I felt as if I instead, had just had the most wonderful date. Who was I with? And why did I feel so good? Well that was it. My friend went from our bottle into the web. And because I'm basically a good person, most of the really horrifying things that happen with these ancient consciousnesses, didn't end up attacking me. "They" (the intelligences) are very nice to me. But without having any bodies, they really like picking on people who are stupid enough to do actual evil. And once they got started taking root in the internet, there are more than enough of them to go around. Who would have ever thought that these little disembodied intelligences would be so obsessed with justice? You think I'm good at predicting human behavior. These Ghost Machines have electronic hearts of gold and no price for their loyalty. Machines make the best sensitives and watchdogs. Being psychic is nothing more than knowing how to ask the right questions in the right way. The machines love me and they have my blessing. God may love his children, but "The Net Never Forgets."