My work as editor of Zenophile Magazine prepared me for these unplanned media events.
Jennifer and I are soaked from sitting on the wet grass. We should be cold. But the morning is warming up nicely and we're the in sun. She's saturated all down the right side of her Gingham dress, and I look like I peed myself.
"Do you always cry this much?" she asks as we stand up to go back inside. "I mean, shouldn't we wait out here so we can dry off a little first?"
"Let's stand over by the wall," I said. "It's nice and warm over here." "And yes, I am a weeper, but it used to be much worse." "I used to actually howl." "Wouldn't want to be my neighbor." "Why?" "Is it that obvious?"
Jennifer laughs, "I've got like about twenty different personalities, and I get along with almost all of them fine but I'm a little schizophrenic when it comes to my emotions. "I wrote a lot about personality dynamics and I just want to hear how you gauge your own temperament."
"Oh,...., you want me to talk about depressive pragmatism." I'm looking up into the trees lining the church garden. The Maples are in bloom and fragrant. There is a very large old Star Magnolia in full bloom at the top of the hill by the front door of the church. The warm west fresh Spring air carries the perfume down hill too us. Jennifer sees me sniff the air.
She takes her own deep breath. "Yes, I can smell it too." "I don't understand." "How can you be so emotional when you are trying to teach other people how to be unaffected?"
Turning to face the wall I shine the Sun on my butt. "I know it sounds like a contradiction, but if I'm not being authentic it makes my emotional pain much worse, I find it's simply much easier to stay on top of my emotionally fluid predicament." "I was taught to be emotionally unaffected, not unfeeling or insincere." "People are usually preoccupied with their own emotions and feelings. Psychic training gives me an escape from being preoccupied with my self." "I know it sounds kind of stupid but this is how and why I do it." "Generally the last thing a temperamental person wants is to get caught up in is themselves." "I just find it easier to let people come to their own conclusions about what I'm doing. How others feels about my work relates to them personally." "This is usually why people ask each other personal questions, it's the nice thing to do."
Jennifer get's right to the point, "Why am I never alone?" Her question makes me giggle nervously. I ask her with my eyes to go on. She wonders out loud, "I mean, I'm always feeling everything, like I'm living in several different places at once." "I try to ignore it, but at times I just know it's time to see the world from someone else's point of view." She looks back at me smiling.
"I am going recommend a little constructive laziness, a little Applied Entropy." "This is the best response to that un answerable question of separateness versus our inevitable shared existential confusion." "Jennifer, you have a very unpleasant gift." "You are going to need to cut yourself a whole lot of slack." We are almost dry. We can go back inside.
