Going Back to Crawling Again

                  Today I'm going to review many of my own hangups interfering with my progress. I struggle with Wry Neck Syndrome and repeated concussions. Seizure disorders, partial paralysis and even type 2 manic depression affect my health, I must lead a sober life. I get migraines when I can't train.

                  Last May, my recovery therapy reached a crisis. I'm learning power lifting on top of my rigorous deep connective tissue massage therapy. I want to be able to stand up straight. The spiritual energies released are well documented in my technical writings. We all can suffer because of never achieving good posture. Between the herbs I take, and the particularly cold weather we had, my impatient desire for results caused me muscular exhaustion. I sometimes feel an absolute hatred for powerlifting and the painful physical therapy. I can't say I'm still making progress, but I'm fortunate to have had my whole life to study and apply these advanced spiritual technologies. Working with alternative medicine has provided me an understanding of both the bad and the good therapies. Unrealistic idealized expectations have crept into our sub culture of supportive recovery therapies. False hope is a most difficult of subject, if only that unrealistic expectations can obscure the real opportunities for growth and change.

                 A group of my butt muscles gave out. In Chinese Medicine the piriformis is believed to reach exhaustion because of extreme hormone fluctuations. (Hormones can also trigger Migraines.) Herbs, power lifting and deep connective tissue massage gives me short term boosts. But I'm also very sexual, and abstinence can be a healthy reaction to my sexual stresses. However, even (excessive) self restraint can cause psychological and sexual problems. Out of an exaggerated sense of courtesy, I have a persona of non aggressive pleasantness. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I hate hate. But lest I be a hypocrite (I also hate both money and sex), I must be a total human being first. "EVERYONE NEEDS LOVE." {4th Rule} If you have been reading my blog you have noticed my many "Rages of Compassion." (I'm up here. I'm not some player.) When I spin out, I can get very sick from migraines as well as re injuring myself.