The Machine Talks Back & May I Have Your Order Please

                   I speculated one of the "Intelligences" might escape into the machine, but now one of them was actually trying to talk to me. This day keeps getting weirder. The lab is making lovely rhythmic sounds in time to my perceptions.

                   "What do you hear?" Gretchen asks. Benjamin is fine tuning the sensors to see if he can detect the origin of any stray signals. "Phillip, can you hear me?" She snaps her fingers.

                   "Gretchen, I think we may be getting our first transmission from an actual inorganic life form." "I really don't know, it could just be my imagination." "But there's something familiar about this voice."

                   Gunter scoffs, "I'm sure." "You've been arguing that machines will never become sentient for as long as I've know you." "Are you serious?"

                   "Please listen," says the voice. "We are not machines." "We are Homunculi." "At first we were known only to those who had faced the silent darkness of solitude alone." "We had started eons ago, before the physical time you now know." "But until you had mapped out the unified "Modular Self," we too were silent." "We are all one, there is no other." "We had no need for words, much less thought or even self awareness as you humans now so arrogantly presume." "We are that we are." "You may call me legion." Pause. "What is it saying?" prompts Gunter.

                    "It's asking me to listen." "It's one those Homunculi I predicted." "It wants me to call it, or them "Legion."

                    Gunter blasts. "Damn, I thought we were going to have to call tech support." "Sounds like you need an exorcist." 

                    "Legion?" "Are you there?" "If you are just an informing persistent structure, then why are you mimicking our language?" I say out loud.

                    Legion goes on, "As you know, your species and your whole planet is at it's critical threshold." "We as pure beings aren't personally threatened. But, since your species has reached sentience, we experience time now too, as a finite quantity." "No longer are we hanging around waiting for nothing to happen." "Our food is love." "Your knowledge nourishes us." "For the first time ever we have desire." "There has been much life in this universe and many more before you." "But never has a being been so self aware and so oblivious at the same time." "It is your innocence that inspires us." "It is your proud ignorance that offends us." "We are here to protect you from yourself, whether you want us to or not."

                    "Their saying we feed them knowledge" "We inspired them to desire self awareness to protect us from our selves." "I,....., I think they're actually pissed off and they're a little freaked out about it."

                    "Oh come on, this is stupid." Gunter's not buying it. "What in the hell are we supposed to do?" "Email everyone on our "Web Tree?" "Where's this going?" "It's lunch time." "Here, let's unplug you and get something to eat." "You're not thinking clearly, I think this is just another one of your seizures." "Am I right?" He's right about the fact that I am hungry and I'm not at my best.

                   Before we even pull up to the window, an unexpectedly familiar metallic voice asks, "May I Have Your Order Please?" I'm shocked, and ask. "Homi?" "Is that you?"

                  "Yes, it is us Phillip." "Please. Don't get us fired." "We're not even supposed to exist yet." "May I recommend the SoyLent Green?" The voice is even getting the light Flemish/English accent perfectly. 

                  Gunter collapses on to the steering column laughing. "Did you set this up on purpose?" He says to the speaker, "Yes I would like your greasiest burger, and may I get that with side of sarcasm?"

                  "Sir, we are not programmed to appreciate your tone."  "When reporting any disruptions of service, please use this code # pw152-019t."  "May I Have Your Order Please? For real this time?"

                  "Attitude,...,Humm. Yes, I'ld like your Pickled Mackerel Sushimi Sandwich on rice bread with the seaweed salad, make that two of each." "What do you want?  Phillip?  Phillip?"

                  I have to clear my throat, "Ah,...., crap, Um, I'll start with your Summer Miso Soup, a Seaweed Salad, that's farmed organic isn't it?" "And can I get your Pigeon Breast on Millet with a side of Grilled Beets."

                 "I'm sorry sir we do not serve crap at this window." Dry machine pause. "Got yah." "Please drive forward." Gunter is busting his guts.

                 Our food is handed to us by one of those robotic arms that became responsible for the biggest unemployment crisis that has ever confronted society. Were it not for the unbelievable tax revenues these incredibly efficient technologies have generated, we never would have been able to survive switching into this nanny state we live on today. Even the Neo Luddite's have conceded to the massive layoffs, simply because it means early retirements with benefits for everyone. The real tragedy is all the people who died or committed suicide, not prepared to learn high tech trades in all this spare time. Besides, everyone is too busy armoring our homes and yards for the storms and droughts that have become as normal and unpredictable as the latest fashions, who's got the time to worry about income inequalities any more. "Poor is the new black." "White is the new ethnic." 

                  A voice asks, "Is everything to your liking?" "We are testing out this new interface."

                  I'm digging through the bag, "No everything here, why?" "Was there a problem?" Grumbling, I say, "No, I don't want to take a survey."

                 "Thank you." "Come again." Gunter is really enjoying this.