What I know today I will have forgotten by the time this actually happens in 2031. Gretchen and I will be able to leave of our own freewill and the new converts turn out totally innocent in the matter of the reprogramming scandal. By the time I get inside the Oraca compound, I will not remember having written about this and I'll be quite devoid of objectivity, which is the norm for me anyways. I almost never remember what I remember until I remember. I chose to forget those decades of deja vu.
As I finished my sumptuous dinner of steamed vegetables with sesame oil, jewel sea weed barley miso, wooden ear garnish and sticky green mochi, I again see Carl approach me. He seems little less formal and reports that he was instructed to attend to my lodging and answer any of my questions. I asked if he would mind letting me read for him. He said that his own preferences would not interfere with the results of any assay, he knew about the basic reading technology and was able to detach.
He went on to assert that he had never seen someone so casual with Gretchen before and that he meant no disrespect. I was starting to like this man a lot. "Please, sit, Let me look at your hands if I may." As I touch him I felt this unusual rush of dense pleasure receptors in his brain. I knew of only one other person that I got this feeling from. So I asked, "You are a recovering addict?" Carl sighs and nods. This is the part of my job I've always felt strange, I know I don't actually read minds but it sure seems that way. I take his right hand in mine an I start getting detailed impressions of a beautiful but painful life of love and loss, heart ache and deep romantic pain. I asked Carl my million dollar question, "What are you doing here?" "Don't tell me." "You are a Physical Genius and you have survived the passing of your most significant love relation." "You started taking narcotics when you shattered your neck vertebra playing college soccer." "You continued your education even under the strain of addiction." "Even though you have been sober for over ten years you have never fallen in love again after college." "And you knew that you were never going to renegotiate your bad contract with InterSpace." Again another nod and a sigh.
I had to ask, "Not to change the subject too abruptly but, why do you Oraca types get such a reputation for being cold?"
Carl shifted his considerable mass like he was thinking what to say, "I can only speak for myself," he said. "It was such a relief for me to find that I no longer had to explain myself that it just became second nature to mind my own business." "Even though I still care about others, I really like the fact that no body around here makes excuses." Carl went on, "I'm a very passionate person but because of my looks and education people look at me like a thing to be envied and admired. I couldn't find anyone to replace Jennifer, my fiance, so I just stopped looking." It seemed like my team at InterSpace were the only real friends I ever had and now that we all joined Oraca, we all changed into this, you know, Corporate." I barely recognize any of them any more, but I think it's just because there's nothing left to say." "The Confidence Game kind of made that even more inevitable, once you go through your reversal, nothing really matters any more." "That is what you are asking about, isn't it?"
I was so floored by his candor and sincerity that I not only forgot where we were, I forgot myself. I felt such an affection for that lovesick man I wanted to find some way to relieve his insatiable hunger for love and life. Not only is that kind of intervention not in my means, but he also answered perfectly why he was there, why he had completely lost all of his personal desires and why he was content to stay. This was not the confession of a malcontent, much less a deluded cult member. I immediately wondered if all the other new converts would be so lucid and interesting. If I was trying to find the bad guy I felt like it was going to end up being me.
