As much as I'm not a big fan of the popular myth of scarcity, I do find that generally I try to please people with the full awareness that most people will never really know me until it is too late. As a medium I live in a world of rarefied perceptions and unfamiliar pleasures. I've already mentioned how people rarely ever seek to look at themselves with what Spinoza called a "Self Complacency." This excommunicated Sephardic Jewish philosopher said that there is much evil in the world and so complacency in the world is a bad thing. But when it comes to examining and knowing your self, a dispassionate detachment is the only way we can be ruthlessly honest with ourselves. I find that on occasion, I'm reminded to check myself. People who are blind to themselves are still right to confront and challenge me, even if it is for the wrong reasons. You have read my feelings about the popular proverbial attitude of, "I don't care what others think about me." (Possible subtext; "I don't think anyone likes me?") But I will say that even if and when it is true, as a self defining boundary definition, it doesn't have to mean that that person is oblivious, I hope.
Such absolute proclamations of supposed indifference may simply reflect inexperience at understanding the place of shared opinions and community. (I believe that if someone actually doesn't care what others think about them, it would never be said. What would be the point of announcing it?) These self designated people do care when I contradict them, so I'm not sure where the line is anyways. A little self complacency might go a long way to help these people understand the limits of a personal self limiting definition. But maybe I'm just self righteously trying to defend the indefensible. (A little of the misanthrope in me?)
The beautiful person may think they are ugly, the glutton often thinks they are perfect. The greedy man thinks he is generous, the squanderer thinks there is no tomorrow. The coward thinks they are brave, the hero only wants to be loved. A wise man can be cruel, and the fool is often giving, having nothing left to gain. Such is the beauty of the human soul, and when I speak in terms of a language of radiance, I am told that I am that fool for believing in something so pure and intangible.
If you work intimately with people you discover even good people can harbor illusions. Were I to pretend I can get others to see as I see, or feel as I feel, I experience that strange awareness of futility. As a natural "Philophile," I never try to tell people what to think. Even if I am strangely able to "Read someone," I don't know what it means. I just do my job and let other people take away whatever it is that they can without interference from me. I'm acutely aware of the fact that my faith and intrinsic trust in people is nothing more than a quirk of temperament, and that I still have much to gain from learning and emulating contrasting qualities that conflict with my own self contradictory self image. Thank goodness not everyone is like me. We would have all starved to death.
