I have another apology to my readers who have had to put up with my fumbling with words. Trying to prove the variability of different peoples perceptions is hard to do. Communicating is an act of will. To mutually define our separate emotional boundaries, we have to identify with each other. But that's not always what's happening. It is really important to be able to show feelings we have about each others and their significance. But there are problems projecting our empathy. I can't predict what you will want without taking a risk. It's easy for me to write a blog with the comment box closed so none of you can tell me what you think, like or want. According to my blog stats, right now there is a good group of readers that subscribe for now. I really appreciate it. I really wouldn't know how well I am doing without your supervision. In trying to count the different kinds of blind spots we have, I of course will have to include myself.
I don't want to let this get in the way of the writing, but it is true that I would like this blog to be fun for you to read. I don't want to be boring, (Am I being arrogant? I have a good job to do, I'm getting to do it well.) I'll be focusing the next pages on Variabilities of Individuals Perceptions, Styles and Modalities of Peoples Interests and Selective Attentions, and of course our resulting personal and public Ranges of Focus. Differences of Perspectives account for our most of our mutual functionality.
I have had the privilege of meeting a woman from the United Nations who was working with a research group investigating diplomatic language. "When speaking with tyrants and dictators, tact is everything." I am wrestling with that issue of "Complementarity" myself. We had a fruitful discussion. Her challenge is about more than empathy. She is devising a language that is both direct but non threatening. I myself have had to learn a discreet candor. Most people are far more defensive than either "Sally" or me. (Shy? Introverted? Selectively Desensitized?) I've had to learn to look at both sides of almost every opinion or script. Sally needed to wear inconspicuous armor. Both of us are confronted with this most interesting challenge of finding "Diplomatic Language" and the fine art of tact. I can afford to be a little mysterious but I have to be very open and transparent. Sally needs to be totally obvious, but she also needs a level of detachment that I find unbearable. She has to be so discreet and respectful while she's talking with "heads of state." (No pun intended.) I can renounce the Mystique of being an entertainment medium, but I'm also free to use a little self disclosure as a kind of social currency. But for Sally, to be even slightly mysterious would ruin any credibility she has. She's taking much bigger risks than me right now. She really has to mind her own business. I've had many nightmares about doing her job.
For all the similarities between our jobs, her's is even more political than mine. At least for now. I've found "minding my own business" means always taking responsibility for whatever I say to anyone, ever.
Yesterday a dear friend reminded me, "You always think your right." I said, "It takes one to know one." I didn't really say that exactly. But my work does assert strongly that, "Everyone has blind spots, and everyones blind spots are different." (Primary Assertion #2 of "The Para Psychological Method.") My opinion is that "Most people are dangerously allergic to criticism." And that people very often get their feelings hurt when you are honest about your own thoughts and opinions. I believe it is often better to lie about ones real feelings than it is to have to be right or win an argument. Otherwise I try to be as absolutely honest as I can be. Caroline says, and she's maybe right, that I'm being unrealistic. And that I "need to understand that most people are not going to be interested" in what I'm going to want to talk about anyways. That it's the tone of my voice that "offends people." It stings to be reminded that I sound like a snob sometimes with all the big words. Respecting my audience includes not acting like I'm superior. But I do need to find that golden mean between hiding my true perceptions and hurting peoples feelings unnecessarily.
